Why my country is not for me (Confessions of a Russian pt. 1)

First of all, I gotta say that I love my country, I respect its majestic history and everything my strong-willed compatriots are able to endure. And yet, with all my love and respect I could not possibly imagine myself staying here for the rest of my life. Why so?

There are plenty of reasons which may seem ridiculous (like cold weather, for example) or disturbing (like extreme conservatism), but the main is that.. I just feel out of place, I do not feel like I fit in. And that is okay.

Let’s talk global for a second. You, right, you — the person who is reading this right now, have you felt like your character doesn’t coincide with the expectations of your society? Maybe you dress differently, listen to some off-brand music bands or your desires are just “way too much” for everyone else to handle? I hear you, my friend. I see you, I understand you and I support you. But society doesn’t, right? Welcome to my world, then. In the previous paragraph I mentioned extreme conservatism and I meant it in several ways: tattoos are still majorly a weird thing to do that only convicts and sailors have (aka people of a marginal status, I guess), the same effect have piercings, bright hair color (yeah, what is this — 1920?). Very bright clothing, very dark clothing, tight skirts, oversize sweaters — whatever is outside the “traditional” guidelines of fashion, makes you a light-headed, weird person in the eyes of the majority. I would have liked to say that it doesn’t matter as long as you love it, but judgement is very common in Russia. You can be walking with your friend and when somebody passes by the immediate reaction is to ridicule and judge their fashion choices, hairstyle, as well as making suggestions on that person’s lifestyle and character. What has that person done to you? How does it even affect your life? I would be a fool to neglect this custom since it happens not only on the streets, but also when you watch any program, TV show, film, video clip or etc. This pressurizes the younger generation a lot, forcing them to outperform in other areas (leading to a very early burning out) or it just shuts them off as outcasts, harming and lowering their self-esteem. The same thing happened to me when I was a teenager and I still see those problems echoing inside me.

Apart from external prejudices, old patriarchal stereotypes are thriving with a vengeance. Everything regarding traditional households is recurring discussion in all family gatherings, among friends and sometimes even at work. Just to give you a glimpse at how bad it is — I am 25 and I am ALREADY old to have a child (meaning the firstborn) as normally it happens at the age of 20–24, including some younger or older mothers depending on the region. Experts do say that this number shifts more and more every year to the benchmark of 30–34, but I am pretty sure that is more true for Moscow than for the rest of the country. You have to admit that when we talk about small towns, the levels of conservatism and traditional values are over the roof, which is very true for where I live. Alongside with having to answer the questions about children and my health (meaning that when I want children, my body will not be able to do it in a healthy way), I am regularly bombarded with “why aren’t you married”, “why don’t you have a boyfriend”, “at your age it is already very difficult to find a good life partner” and so on and so forth. I don’t hate love, actually, I love love, I love seeing happy couples getting married whenever they are ready and whether they feel like it, it just hasn’t happened to me. But the reality here is that, as a society, we are used to being married in your 20s. Who cares about love and understanding and all this? You MUST be married or at least have a boyfriend who is proposing TONIGHT. This is very sad. It may not seem so (with all the Caps writing), but I do feel much calmer about this than before. The reason being that I do see people who commit these important steps just because they are forced to do so, because their families expect them to, and they don’t even fully understand the meaning behind the tradition.

Let’s turn down the heat a little bit. Another thing I mentioned is the weather. As funny and silly as it sounds, I can’t stand cold. I immediately fall ill, and I could only wish I was talking about the flu. Every single part of my body starts to manifest their disgust. I get headaches, my skin breaks out, gastritis says hello every now and then, all my female issues knock down the door with all the confidence, along with some back pain, muscle pain, leading to stress and anxiety. Oh, did I mention my agoraphobia intensifies in winter? So, as much as I would like to make myself look like a victim and complain about it, I prefer to acknowledge it and look for some warmer places to land my bottom. After all, there are many people who are as sensitive to the weather changes as I am. Maybe their story is different and their blood vessels react poorly to high temperatures and their heart has difficulties working, so they prefer colder places instead. Both are totally fine. The point is to listen to your body and do what’s best for it.

Initially, I wanted to continue the topic talking about health and healthcare system. Nevertheless, with everything going on in the world, it wouldn’t sound great. I know how many doctors and nurses are putting themselves on the frontline trying to help and cure as many people as they can, tend to their needs, support them and their families, often by sacrificing their actual wellbeing and that of their households. So, I will slowly transition into another topic and address a common problem that connects both of them.

When I was at university, I started volunteering as an English teacher. With time, it sort of became my job, I travelled and lived abroad to work as a teacher and now I do part-time private tuition. I never intended to do so, but what I learnt is much bigger. From the beginning I heard that “it is a profession where you don’t work for the money”. While I was new and underqualified, it didn’t matter. Then I noticed the hard truth behind this. All community workers (aka teachers, medical personnel, police, etc) receive a ridiculously low salary. It is not enough to cover basic needs such as housing, food and clothing. And it is most definitely not enough to afford a small vacation at least once a year. What it forces these people to do is to continually learn new techniques, visit seminars, complete courses, qualify, requalify and overqualify. As a result, people are extremely smart (which is amazing, of course), but the amount of money they spend on all the learning materials, travelling and paying the courses themselves is in any way close or fair to the pay rise they get. You can find such a wise, educated and sophisticated person in a remote village trying to survive but adding an extra couple of rubles to their salary. This is just straight unfair and there is not much you can do about it, I suppose. Or can you?

Here comes my last point. I won’t go into politics much, since it is not the safest topic. I will just say that I am very far from understanding the mechanics behind all the decisions people make and I am in no way qualified or educated enough to pinpoint the weakest points and suggest some changes. Though, I would like to see fair treatment for people who take care of our health, who protect us for the evil and for those who educate our children. The unjust payment lowers the motivation to give the best of themselves and leads to laziness, unwillingness to put “too much” work or care into it and then leads to unsatisfactory results. If you ask your Russian friends, I am bound to believe that almost anyone can tell you a story from their childhood. When the equipment in a public hospital was so bad that more damage was done than it was of use, when a teacher was so caught up in his / her financial problems that they were forced to work multiple jobs and underperformed in all of them, when corruption in the police was so common due to the lack of normal payment that even the brightest and purest souls were broken and turned to the dark side.

All these issues affect our society deeply by increasing our dissatisfaction level and general lack of happiness, but, unfortunately, it gives us no remedy to fight it. We all feel very powerless in most cases, few people know which organisations we can turn to. We are most of the time unaware of what we can do, what actually can have a strong or, at least, visible effect on the government in order to provoke positive changes. As a result, the majority of the population has surrendered without fighting. We are separated and don’t cooperate. And a single person is not enough to combat a whole system of such size.

This is what saddens me the most and makes me want to flee. Consider me a coward or a person who prefers to escape and find a place where everything is “already in place”, I will accept it since it is true. I have tried my best to stay positive, but I would be an idiot to wear these rose-tinted glasses until the end of my life.

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

So, if you are a fellow Russian, are you mad at me? Do you agree or disagree? What is it that you would like to add or correct?

If you are from any other place in the world, how is your country doing? Are you proud of your compatriots and your government? What bothers you?

This page is a safe and protected environment where you can express your opinions without being judged (at least, by my humble persona).